The letter of instruction: one document that saves your family a month

Nobody needs this file at 50. That is why it sits there on the timeline. The best time to write a letter of instruction is when nothing is urgent, your memory is sharp and you can do it in pieces over a few weekends.

What it is, and what it isn't

A letter of instruction is a plain document, in your own words, that tells your family what they will need to know when you die or can no longer manage your affairs.

• It is not a will. It doesn't transfer property and generally has no legal force. If something in your letter conflicts with your will, the will controls.
• It is a map. It tells your executor where the will is, who your insurer is, which bank holds the mortgage, and whether you wanted a hymn or a quiet graveside.

Families without one often spend weeks hunting through drawers, mail and old tax returns to piece together what someone had. Families with one can spend that time on each other.

What to put in it

You don't have to fill in every section at once. Start with the first three and add the rest over time.

1. Who to call first

• Your executor, with phone number.
• Close family and friends who should hear by phone, not by text.
• Your doctor, your attorney, your accountant or tax preparer, your clergy.
• Your employer or former employer's benefits office, if you have a pension or group life insurance.

2. Where the papers are

Document	Where it is
Will and any trust
Powers of attorney and health care directive
Life insurance policies
Preneed funeral contract or cemetery deed
Military discharge papers
Deeds and car titles
Recent tax returns
Birth and marriage certificates
Safe deposit box location and key

3. Your wishes for your funeral

Burial or cremation. A service or not, and where. Music, readings, who you'd like to speak. Where you would like any donations to go. If you have prepaid anything, say with whom. This one section can take a great weight off your children's shoulders in the hardest week. (Burial vs cremation, line item by line item may help you decide.)

4. Accounts and policies

List each bank, investment and retirement account, each life insurance policy and each annuity: the company name, the type of account, the last four digits of the number, and a phone number. Note any beneficiary designations.

Don't put passwords in the letter itself. If you want your family to have access to online accounts, keep that information separately and securely, and say in the letter where it is.

5. The household

• Regular bills and how each is paid: automatic payment, paper check, online.
• Insurance on the house and cars, with the agent or company.
• Who has spare keys, and the alarm code's location.
• Pets: who will take them, and their vet.
• Anything that needs regular attention: a well pump, a furnace contract, a sump pump.

6. Things only you know

A debt someone owes you. A family heirloom's story. Who should get the quilt. A letter for a grandchild, sealed, to be opened later. These have no legal force either, but families treasure them.

Where to keep it

Somewhere safe that people can reach quickly. A safe deposit box may be sealed or hard to open after a death, depending on the bank and state, so it isn't the best only home for this letter. Many people keep the original in a fireproof box at home and give a copy to their executor. Tell at least two people where it is.

Keep it current

Put a date at the top. Choose one day a year, a birthday or New Year's Day, to read it over and update it. Changed banks? New grandchild? New wishes? A ten-minute edit once a year keeps the letter true.

A starting sentence

If you don't know how to begin, start with this: "If you are reading this, here is what I want you to know first." Then write the name of the first person to call. You have started. Everything else is detail you can add a little at a time.